Must Love Aliens

Imma freestyle this entry a lil bit. So I was having a conversation with my peers on the twitters last night and I cant seem to get it out of my head. Its not the first time this convo has happened. The gist of the conversation was that many basic "abnormalities" are considered deal breakers for many men.  Lemme say this the most basic way I know how:  You mofos are TRIPPING. I think this is a perfect example of how the media (and porn) has inundated us with so many unrealistic images of what perfection looks like that we don't accept/want/desire humans anymore. We want models. We want perfection. We want airbrushed hourglass beauty with long tresses good credit, no offspring, and only visits the dr. for checkups.  oh...and she has bisexual tendencies as well.

Women are dying because they are not accepted as they are.  You have labeled the blessings that were passed on through their DNA as deficient. People are going through great lengths to increase their likelihood of being accepted and uh "chose".  They are risking their lives and many are losing. Think I'm lyin?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/24/karima-gordon-buttocks-injection-tracey-lynn-garner_n_1910973.html

There's a part of me saying that I'm not out here trynna be chose by someone as small minded and ignorant as that. However, there is another part of me that knows that these are my peers and I want to be accepted. We all do. Nobody likes rejection. There is also another part of me that very easily turned off as well.  But Imma say this though, I'm not about to allow allow a man with 9 perfect (for me) qualities go because he has 1 "abnormality".  If so, I deserve to be alone.

One must also take into consideration that individuals that are seeking this type of physical perfection are probably only seeking some type of physical or superficial interaction. If they are seeking something more serious, I only know one person in real life that is winning that hard at life enough to deserve a trophy wife and he's already found her.  The awesome thing about her is that she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.  I know my city.  Many of these attractive women don't have too much to offer outside of their looks. Accidents happen. She might be raising your child one day.

At least she looked good tho!! ( -_-)

I am a human. ...a very awesome one. But I am human in every sense of the word. It is a scary thought that this fact may disqualify me from someone's dating pool.

I'm lost sometimes.  When that happens I do what any self-sufficient adult does and call my parents. But something has changed. Each time I go to them for words of wisdom, I get some cookie cutter advice based off of the first keyword they recognize.  Goes something like this: 

Me: Ma, I been down a lot lately. I think I’m depressed.
Mom: When the last time you been to church? -_-

Another one…

Me: I’ve been having headaches a lot more than usual.
Mom: drink some water…then go to church.

 My father recently sat me down to have a talk and expressed that he was bothered because I wasn’t allowing him to be a dad. Sorry dad, after 20 some years of minimal involvement, it’s kinda hard to just put you in the game like that.  But understanding his concern, I gave him some playing time at a critical point in the game.

Me: Dad, I’m having man issues and I’m reacting to it by becoming angry which is VERY unusual for me.
Dad: Well these things take time.  You just gotta be patient. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship
Me: -_-  SUB!!!!!

I’m realizing that I’m experiencing an entire different life than my parents had at my age and they probably honestly have no clue how to respond to the issues I’m posing to them.  At my age, my parents were divorced with 3 kids…well 4…kinda. 

I’m also an entirely different person.  My parents are a lot less open-minded and in some cases under-exposed to some of the things I have experienced.  For them, I suppose it is considered a slight victory.  For me, it leaves me with a lot of questions without the resource of experienced guidance. 

I’ve talked to friends about certain issues.  Most times I have to call multiple friends or go mentally reread their friensume (friend + resume= …no? fine then.) to decide whether they are qualified to give advice on said issues.  Most times, hail nah!  We’re over here going through the same shit and neither of us successfully, lol.  Classic case of the blind leading the blind. 

I’m very careful about sharing certain things with new friends.  Because of the community I have become a part of is pretty small, one mistake in judgment and allll my bitness is out in the streets.  Also, it seems we are all somehow interconnected so if there is concern with one person, it somehow affects someone else who is also friends with me and that person and….in the words of Jackie Chan “I dough wah no truh-bow”

I’m rarely in a situation which allows me to meet older, more experienced people I can trust.  Even if I was, that type of trust takes time to build.  Where (besides church and work) did you find that experienced ear to listen and provide guidance?  What do you do when you don’t have the answers? …and no Jack Daniels does NOT count as a source of guidance people.

So someone asked me recently, “what makes you so awesome? All girls say they are, but what makes you so different?”  My ego was the first thing to react. I gave him the *WTF(renchToast) Screwface* as if to say “how dare you inquire of such obviousness?! Haven’t you been paying attention?!”  So, to humor this foolish mortal human, I came up with some list that ended up being more cliché and less than adequate in terms of expressing all things “pro column”.  I decided to revisit the subject when I didn’t feel so pressured to “put out” (take that how you want to).  Now seems good.

PRO: I know a little bit about A LOT of things AND I never pretend to know it all. This makes me a great conversationalist.  I’m genuinely interested in most things and am willing to discuss anything we may disagree on.

Con: I will remember what we talked about, Research it, Then bring it up again later. Not because I’m trying to be a douche and tell you “you were wrong” or have another debate, but I want to share some information you at one point showed me you were interested in. This MIIIIGHT get annoying if you are wrong a lot. :oP

PRO: I’m very down to earth/low-maintenance/ non- materialistic.  Truthfully I could’ve made each of them their own point. But they all equate to the main point of being down to earth.  I don’t mind getting dirty. I love to have fun and try new things.  Lets discover some shit, ya know!!

con: I bore easily. Entertain me.

PRO: I’m versatile.  Formal Balls or a Basketball games, I’m there! Don’t expect me to be uncomfortable. I make friends pretty easily. I like people.

con: I’m actually pretty shy.

PRO: I’m very selfless. I’m very aware of my place in the universe as a contributor to the lives of others.  I want to help everybody and am constantly thinking of ways to do so.

con: I forget about me.  This can get stressful at times.

PRO: I’m a survivor. *cue destiny’s child*  I have so many stories of strife and achievement.  I don’t defeat easy. This applies to everything. I’m a very resourceful and creative individual.  If there is something I want, I’ll find a way to get or create it.

con: I don’t like tomatoes. (I couldn’t think of anything relative. Sorry)

PRO: I’ll try (almost) anything once.

con: ALMOST, dammit!!

PRO: I present well.  I take pride in my appearance and dress appropriately while remaining fashion forward.  Let’s be honest, no one wants a scrub…unless they are one themselves.

con: I’m not letting you walk out of the house with a wrinkled shirt. No seriously.

PRO: Open-minded and Free Thinker.  I think for myself while being open to learning new concepts from others.  I refuse to accept everything as it has presented for the majority of my life.  I’ve taken the red pill and stepped outside of the matrix.  Come with?

con: If you think there a con to this, Gownon back to the matrix.  I’ll be here when you are ready for this here red pill.  -à((()))

PRO:  I have a very strong belief that people who brag about their sex skills are absolutely horrible in bed. So, …….……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Con:  ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

PRO: *smirk*

con:  No ya never gonna get it.

PRO: I’m not predisposed to obesity. The benefits of this are endless.

Con: If you like em thick, you’ll have to be patient. 

PRO: I like to read.

con:  I like to read everything.

Why the hell did I take the time to write this out??  Cause its important to know and ACCEPT yourself.  This is applicable to all facets of life.  As an individual is dating it's important to understand what you want as well as what you need. Me knowing that i'm open-minded and tolerant allows me to hold up a stop sign when someone expresses that they conservative and rigid. Knowing that I can be pretty selfless forces me to understand that a selfish person isn't going to work for me.  I encourage everyone to take a similar inventory of yourself.  Know what makes you awesome.  When you know that you are, you wont accept anything less.

Poetry Prompt #2:

Write a poem with a 1 word title, followed by 2 words in the 1st line, 3 words in the second and so on.

SPEAK!

The words

Don’t come easy

Hands are no help

Brain slows down to halt

I thought this would be easier

Maybe if I think harder they’ll come

Muscle memory rescues me when ability has failed

Vocabulary now content, it finds its way into expression

My dearest dialogue, did I wrong you in some manner?

No, it calmly responded. I just don’t work well under pressure.

Prompt #1 No Pressure Poetry (30 Poetry Prompts in 30 Days)
Prompt #1
Write a poem in the form of a recipe or horoscope.

Thursday Oct 30^th 2012

Sagittarius:

Today will be a mixed bag.  Be aware of activities and people that are distracting. You may have low energy and your patience will be short so stay away from unintelligent members of the opposite sex.  If you encounter one, approach them, squat and yell “you going to jail today!” and the universe will take care of the rest.  As usual, mercury is in retrograde so drink Gatorade because that rhymes and you may be dehydrated.  If you are not, drink it anyway to prepare for a drought that will be occurring soon.  This drought could be sex, water, money or sex.  Either way, you will need a beverage. Change is also imminent but will only apply to everything.  You will not need to prepare as long as the Gatorade you drink is orange …like Mercury.  If you have a job, you will work tomorrow.  If not, you will be off. Creativity will be low so do not, I repeat DO NOT try to write anything.   It will be your worse work, yet.   Try not to beat yourself up …and then drink some Gatorade.  Lucky numbers: 68 & 1. Play them together to avoid the drought.

Messages from the Stars

Dear Deniece,

You have been tasked with life

Figure out your place in the world and don’t forget to help those who have lost theirs

This task will not be easy but you have the tools to succeed.

Your toolbox: a combination of creativity, charisma, intelligence, and a smile

These will never dull so use them as much as possible

Everyone’s tools are different.

You may not have what you want, but you have access to exactly what you need.

Never forget that.

Your task will be harder on some days than others.  

Do not lose sight of your goal even when you can’t see it.

Distractions will come. People will hurt you. People will hurt themselves. 

Heal by example.

Loan them your tools, but only briefly. You have a task to complete.

Lastly, Deniece, you are the only you.  The stars aligned perfectly for your existence. 

You we’re meant to be here. 

So what? or So, now what?

So, I’m messy. A friend called it junky but I rebuke that adjective in the name of all things organized…with labels…on shelves ( -_-). So, as I sit here and ponder over the slight embarrassment, I wonder, “is this one of those traits that i’m supposed to own unapologetically (f*** yeah i’m messy, I own a lot of cool shit!) or is this one of those things I should work on to be the best version of me?

Owning it- I really do have alot of cool shit. much of it is clothes that I’ve amassed over the past 10+ years of being the same size with a ridiculous passion for fashion and a clearance/thrift addiction. Becoming a professional 5 years ago, “required” that I doubled my wardrobe. So, I now have a walk-in closet, a dresser, a chest of drawers, and a night stand…filled to the brims…with clothes. Oh, and 3 places that store 10-30 pairs of shoes each. s…m…h… btw, I’ve donated 4 trashbags worth of clothes in the past year. *sigh*

Aside from that there are at least 5 boxes of “stuff” ranging from decor to paper to vintage purses that I need to go through. However, I’m a busy person, those boxes will be there. I’m out being awesome. Besides, they were supposed to go in my other walk-in closet but since I have an unexpected yet wonderfully cool ass roommate, I let her have the closet.

Many things I own get used a few times before they are discarded. Example: decor I haven’t used since ‘08 made a great addition to the shelves I created and installed. *pats self on back*

Changing it- I’ve hired an organizer. Twi…well technically 3 times. Organizing my own shit is not something i’m good at. I have issues getting rid of things because i find something that triggers a memory or inspires something and my ADD comes out to play OR I’ll find a reason to keep it. Before you become an ass by labeling me a hoarder, I’m very resourceful. I have a strong history of being able to take what I have and figuring out a way to make it work for something else. (see above example).

One thing that clouds my creativity is clutter and confusion. This is the best reason that I can think of for changing this aspect of my personality. Increasing productivity is good anyway you look at it. As busy as I am working 10 hours a day, graduate classes, mentoring, and having a small piece of a social life, I really don’t wanna waste my time cleaning up every time I have a big project due or when I’m having guests over.

So, what I decided, which was actually my sole purpose for writing this out is to do both. Yes, I own alot of cool shit. Yes, I need it organized better. No I don’t like shopping for storage or marathon cleaning sessions. Yes, I need help. Yes. I’m still awesome, which I will own until the day I die.



Update: I'm now down to 3 boxes instead of 5. Told you I was awesome. ;-)