The Cerulean Print

There are very few days left before my actual journey begins. The closer it gets, the more I realize that I’m not prepared. I haven’t really planned anything. I just know what needs to be done. Many of you have asked about the body cleansing program. Im using GNC’s Complete Body Cleansing Program. Its on sale this week. Look at God working already! :-D

The body cleanse is a 7 day program. I have decided that I am giving up juice for the month because I’m like a crack head for that Sh…tuff. Like seriously. It’s a problem. *salivates at the thought of some Simply Raspberry Lemonade* If you haven’t tried it, don’t. I will be forced to make you cleanse that divine lemonberry goodness right out of your system.

update: a wonderfully enlightened brother has stated that GNC products are not natural and for Europeans. Now I realize I am not only prepared but I haven’t done enough research. *sigh* He says I should try African Bio-Chemistry to cleanse. My mind processed this as African Bio-POO which is very similar to the effects of drinking foreign waters. (I have a LOT to learn, lol)

1 of 5 of a great lecture. You’ll never look at nutrition the same:

I haven’t quite learned enough about meditation to feel prepared for this month. (youtube FTW!! #dontjudgeme) Ok so all these videos are like part 1 of 10. So much for instant gratification. Oh, wait. I’m supposed to be working on that. *sigh* So after reviewing a couple, this one kept me awake ,which happens to be an integral part of the mediation process. Who knew!

You really only need to watch this up until about the 3 minute point where they begin talkin about creative visualization.

ok…meditation? Check!

Yoga.
POW!

Measurement Tool: Enlightened Well Being Self Assessment. (http://bit.ly/aKp8wC )

Current Score:
0-10 Struggling
10-20 On your way
20-30 Thriving
30-39 Almost There
40 Enlightened

Tabula Rasa Literary References:
Why don’t I do the things I know are good for me- BJ Gallagher –
(52 weeks of improvement that I’ve reduced to 30 days. Notes on this for every entry.)
Know Thy Self- Na’im Akbar
Personal development, education, and motivation of African-American people.

As a man Thinketh – James Allen
Classic and easily read motivational literature. “as a man thinketh, therefore he is”
Creative Mind- Ernest Holmes
A similar work. “When we think that we are limited or have not been heard, it must take that thought and bring it into manifestation for us.”
Facing Love Addiction – Pia Melody
@TheDailyLove Posted an interesting article. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/addicted-to-love-part-2_b_658649.html. It seems I may be addicted to Love as well. This book addresses that issue. More on this later also.

Ok you should have enough info to follow along now. Getting that info wasn’t easy. I have a headache. I QUIT!...quietly accept that I have done a good job. (stoopid positivity).

The Emotional RollerCoaster Begins...

The plan was to write the intro and then start actually blogging when the journey began. However, I have had so many mixed emotions about this process, I feel that they are a part of the journey also. So, Here Goes it!

What the FU---french toast (babysteps) was I thinking?!?! I love all of these things that I’m giving up. Each contribute 1 to 10 of the 96.8 degrees of MY body’s average core temperature. I feel like I have promised to make August a month of frigidity. I like summer! I like MY summer! WTF(renchtoast) was I Thinking?!?!

Am I really about to put my business in the streets like this? People are gonna see the “real” me. I mean I’m never fake to anyone but they’ll see all of me. Who will judge. We all judge. They will negatively speak of me in my absence. I don’t want this.

My stomach churns in anticipation of creation. Anticipation of literary witnesses. Anticipation of their revelations. Anticipation is now painful. What was once excitement is now apprehension.

Apprehension lasted a day before determination took over. I can no longer allow my fear to hinder me. This MUST be done. My gains will be much more than my losses. I must release negativity in order to make room for positivity. Your judgment now means less to me. I may even be indifferent. The show MUST go on. Besides, I’ve already spent $30 on my body cleanse program from GNC. The pills are huge but the guy promised me no diarrhea. iWin.

*~A.H.R.E.N.'s Corner~*

More than pain...

i have decided that no words will be spoken.
i refuse to poison the atmosphere with negativity.
do not request my conversation for you are putting yourself at risk…
verbal abstinence
we cant engage in this
my lips are sealed
my teeth are clenched
this madness must not be released.
I have more to offer the world than pain.
the existence of internal conflict must not be mentioned.
lock and key…are insufficient.
the thoughts must be destroyed at their origin
and not allowed to multiply at will.
the offspring of pain is viral in nature,
birthing vile notions of negativity with evil intent…
…prophylactic calm
Positivity is protected once again.

Tabula Rasa (The Intro):

Indecisiveness has always been in my nature. Don't believe me?  It was was costume for Holloween '09.  (See pic at left). However, there are some days when I know just what I want. That day happened for me July 18, or was it 19th? I think it crossed my mind on the 18th and I accepted it on the 19th. Even in my decision, I was indecisive. Regardless the decision was that on August 1, 2010, I am cleansing my entire being. I’m giving up all things negative. I am becoming a better person. They say it takes 30 days to change a behavior. I’m going in over drive. I’m out to kill everything. Some things may survive but they won’t be strong enough to survive much longer. Even writing this I have already begun to change my thought process. The statements changed from “I am going to” to “I am doing.” I have already owned this change. So what specifically does this change consist of? There will be 3 aspects; physical, mental, spiritual.

Physical. I will begin with an actual cleansing. I will obtain a natural based body cleanser and use it to flush my system. Chicken and fish only. Non-alcoholic beverages. G to R rated productions, Chastity. Daily exercise.

Mental : Positive thoughts. Self-control. Action. Joy.

Spiritual: Daily meditation. Prayer. Reading spiritual literature.

Tabula Rasa is a greek word that means Blank or Clean Slate. Its commonly used to in psychology field to refer to a newborns mind that has not been affected by experiences and impressions. In this instance, refer to its original etymology (thank ODU TWICE for that big word). My ambition is to eliminate negative traits and behaviors from my life leaving only positivity. Well that’s not exactly “clean” but it sho ain’t dirty. So uhhhT abula Rasa it is.

I feel its time for a change. Life was great for awhile and suddenly it plummeted to subterranean levels. I feel this happened for a reason. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. As much as i’d love to believe that I have a good relationship with my God, truth be told, I march to the beat of my own drum not necessarily marching in the direction of Him. I took pride in the fact that I am a good person and try to do selfless deeds. Perhaps this isn’t enough. I help because it makes me feel good inside. So in essence my deeds are selfish.

I drink on occasion. I fornicate even less. I even smoke weed every few years. I eat pepperoni and bacon. My tattoos mean something. I assume because I sin so “little,” it’s ok. That’s the story of my life. I did just enough to be mildly successful or not to get in any real trouble. I told myself because I did mostly what I wanted that I was LIVING. Because I didn’t let anyone tell me what to do, didn’t give a shit about deadlines and due dates, I felt like I was in control of my life. What is discipline but following orders, directions, and the way you are SUPPOSED to do things. Be different. Go ALL THE WAY against the grain. Make things happen your own way. I’m now almost 27, no home, no car and probably somewhere near 40,000 in debt after student loans and my own financial mismanagement. I was wrong.

The good thing is that I haven’t had any kids to teach my impractical thinking to yet. If I am to procreate anytime soon, I gotta get my shit stuff together. They deserve better than this life I have created for myself…truthfully…so do I. I take that back. I deserve what I got. I am CAPABLE of so much more.

My goal is to test the 30-day behavioral change theory and pray for its accuracy. My goal is to be a better person with a clearer understanding of what it takes to improve the life I have.

If you follow this blog, you will learn a lot about who I am and possibly about how I got that way. I’m guessing that I will learn some of these things about myself as well. The amount of self disclosure that I will have to make scares me. I’ve never been one to reveal embarrassing facts about myself. Warm-up. You ready? I masturbate 2-3 times a week. Still here? Good. We’ll talk more about that later. Stay tuned.

If you are walking with me on this journey please please please comment. I NEED THIS FOR SUPPORT. The journey will be difficult. I welcome all support, suggestions and testimonies as well.

Tabula Rasa ‘010- Negativity out. Positivity in.