Tabula Rasa (The Intro):

Indecisiveness has always been in my nature. Don't believe me?  It was was costume for Holloween '09.  (See pic at left). However, there are some days when I know just what I want. That day happened for me July 18, or was it 19th? I think it crossed my mind on the 18th and I accepted it on the 19th. Even in my decision, I was indecisive. Regardless the decision was that on August 1, 2010, I am cleansing my entire being. I’m giving up all things negative. I am becoming a better person. They say it takes 30 days to change a behavior. I’m going in over drive. I’m out to kill everything. Some things may survive but they won’t be strong enough to survive much longer. Even writing this I have already begun to change my thought process. The statements changed from “I am going to” to “I am doing.” I have already owned this change. So what specifically does this change consist of? There will be 3 aspects; physical, mental, spiritual.

Physical. I will begin with an actual cleansing. I will obtain a natural based body cleanser and use it to flush my system. Chicken and fish only. Non-alcoholic beverages. G to R rated productions, Chastity. Daily exercise.

Mental : Positive thoughts. Self-control. Action. Joy.

Spiritual: Daily meditation. Prayer. Reading spiritual literature.

Tabula Rasa is a greek word that means Blank or Clean Slate. Its commonly used to in psychology field to refer to a newborns mind that has not been affected by experiences and impressions. In this instance, refer to its original etymology (thank ODU TWICE for that big word). My ambition is to eliminate negative traits and behaviors from my life leaving only positivity. Well that’s not exactly “clean” but it sho ain’t dirty. So uhhhT abula Rasa it is.

I feel its time for a change. Life was great for awhile and suddenly it plummeted to subterranean levels. I feel this happened for a reason. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. As much as i’d love to believe that I have a good relationship with my God, truth be told, I march to the beat of my own drum not necessarily marching in the direction of Him. I took pride in the fact that I am a good person and try to do selfless deeds. Perhaps this isn’t enough. I help because it makes me feel good inside. So in essence my deeds are selfish.

I drink on occasion. I fornicate even less. I even smoke weed every few years. I eat pepperoni and bacon. My tattoos mean something. I assume because I sin so “little,” it’s ok. That’s the story of my life. I did just enough to be mildly successful or not to get in any real trouble. I told myself because I did mostly what I wanted that I was LIVING. Because I didn’t let anyone tell me what to do, didn’t give a shit about deadlines and due dates, I felt like I was in control of my life. What is discipline but following orders, directions, and the way you are SUPPOSED to do things. Be different. Go ALL THE WAY against the grain. Make things happen your own way. I’m now almost 27, no home, no car and probably somewhere near 40,000 in debt after student loans and my own financial mismanagement. I was wrong.

The good thing is that I haven’t had any kids to teach my impractical thinking to yet. If I am to procreate anytime soon, I gotta get my shit stuff together. They deserve better than this life I have created for myself…truthfully…so do I. I take that back. I deserve what I got. I am CAPABLE of so much more.

My goal is to test the 30-day behavioral change theory and pray for its accuracy. My goal is to be a better person with a clearer understanding of what it takes to improve the life I have.

If you follow this blog, you will learn a lot about who I am and possibly about how I got that way. I’m guessing that I will learn some of these things about myself as well. The amount of self disclosure that I will have to make scares me. I’ve never been one to reveal embarrassing facts about myself. Warm-up. You ready? I masturbate 2-3 times a week. Still here? Good. We’ll talk more about that later. Stay tuned.

If you are walking with me on this journey please please please comment. I NEED THIS FOR SUPPORT. The journey will be difficult. I welcome all support, suggestions and testimonies as well.

Tabula Rasa ‘010- Negativity out. Positivity in.