The Temptations

They dont call em temptations for nothing... (yes I know this aint the real group. im biased for a reason.)

Where do I even begin?

Well 1st lemme address the gap between this post and the last. I had very unstable access to the internet due to a lack of transportation. However, I went out and purchased a USB modem from cricket on Saturday so I shouldn’t have this problem anymore. I’m gonna miss meeting all the cool people at Borders tho.

2nd point. Along with the inconsistent transportation, my schedule has also been very inconsistent. I’ve been staying with my sis and many times I do things to help her out which interferes with a lot of the things I plan to accomplish for myself. This includes morning meditation, breakfast, vitamins, etc.

I do not use these facts as Excuses. “What are excuses?” Most of my Greek fam (no I’m not affiliated) know the answer to this question. To summarize, excuses are unacceptable because they still equate to “nothingness.” These facts are obstacles that I allowed to deter me from reaching certain daily goals.

Without the responsibility of writing blog entries to hold me accountable it was a lot easier to lose focus of my goals. Again, there is another approach that could’ve been used here other than avoidance/abandonment. I also found that the blog was taking up a lot of time that should be used for personal growth. I think I may slow my entries down to maybe one or two a week instead of trying to do one every other day. They will be less detailed, removing information such as my diet. You guys pretty much know what it consists of if you read the first entry.

I have yet to do yoga. This changes THIS week. I have internet access at home now so I will be able to watch the reference videos. Exercise has also been inconsistent. Why? Imma just be honnnnnnest. I don’t like doing it. No excuse. This changes THIS…nah. This changes TODAY. I only required 15-30 minutes of activity. This can be done. Couple few crunches, even fewer pushups (read: one), dance a little bit. Viola!

In more interesting news; I dreamed about ice cream and masturbation last week too. I’ve always said that dreams are messages from your subconscious to your conscious mind. They tell us of our deepest fears, desires, and concerns. In my dream, I saw the ice cream. Just sitting on the counter. Alone. Alllll by itself. I opened it. Cookies and cream!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!! I grab a spoon and go.to.work. Its heavenly. After about the 4th scoop I’m like waaaaait…I’m not supposed to eat this! This became the most depressing dream EVER. Then a light bulb came on. I turned the container around it read “ALL NATURAL” YESSSSSS!!!!!! I pick my spoon back up and I don’t even remember if ever stopped eating the ice cream during the dream or not. (btw: there is nothing natural about cookies and cream ice cream, lol)

Ok the other part, without giving too many details for fear of the temptation. In the next dream, I masturbated. As it was happening I debated with myself, reminded myself about Tabula Rasa. I asked myself to stop. I wouldn’t….OMG I just realized I raped myself in my own dream. There is a sad comedy about this. It’s like I wanna laugh but I can’t. Well not on the outside anyway.

Ok but in all seriousness this is a problem. Orgasms have become part of who I am. Actually, they have always been. I remember masturbating when I was too young to even know what that meant. Anyway, as of August 1 I have not PHYSICALLY masturbated. I got close once. I promised myself that if it happened that I would be honest and disclose it in my blog. I decided I couldn’t disappoint those that actually keeping up with this. It’s getting harder though. (If I was a guy, that would’ve been a good pun. Stupid vagina…) By the time my cycle comes around…*sigh* I don’t wanna even think about it.

I also had a slight accident last week. Actually two. I drank soda AND juice after breakfast. I bought a friend a drink since he was having a bad day. Bartender asked if I wanted anything. Nah, Im not drinking tonight. “you sure? I can make you a Shirley temple” *thought: oo! That aint got no alcohol! “Yeah that’ll work.” I drank that sucka soooo quick and just when it got to the bottom… (remember the ice cream dream?) “ooooohhhhhhh nooooooo!!!! *thought: carbonation and *gasp* high fructose corn syrup* SMH. I vowed, water only for the rest of the night. Untillll…. Cast party at Hominy. Time for the toast! Jeannie (Jones) was buying drinks for all of us and she knew I was fasting. She said, “You want ginger ale or cranberry juice or some other juice for the toast?” *Thought: noooooo soda!! Ooo! Cranberry juice, that don’t have no alcohol OR soda in it* “Cranberry juice is fine” Did the toast, sipped it down quick cause it’s just juice. Wait… JUICE? My expression matched that of the roaches from the old raid commercials.

So what did I learn here. Nothing. It reinforced my thoughts from earlier in the week that Its hard to make healthy choices when they aren’t presented to you as an option. Oh wait, I did learn something. When under pressure, my brain only processes the most pertinent information while disregarding important details. Way to go brain. *sideeye*

Before I go, my brain has also decided that chocolate cake is made by fairies and blessed by angels. Those that eat it will radiate rainbows and make Leroy’s glow look like ambient lighting. Oh wait. It kinda IS ambient lighting. I still want some.

Week wrap up: ISH got REAL real quick. I didn’t expect to be having 2nd thoughts on the 3rd day. This is harder than I thought it would be. I honestly don’t know if I’m gonna make it. I mean I will but, how long before I willingly succumb to at least ONE temptation.

Intrinsic motivation will only work for so long. Can anyone offer anything extrinsic?

Anyone have a bet on what I might slip up on?

By the way I never been that great at resisting Temptations. ;-) *sigh* Prepares for another inappropriate dream. I loves me some David Ruf...I mean Eddie Kane J...I mean LEON!!